Tag Archives: anxiety

A mother’s ME time is more expensive than your Chanel, Hermes, & LV Bags altogether

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A mother’s ME time is more expensive than your Chanel, Hermes, & LV Bags altogether. But I would love to have them too because why not! However, if I were to choose between them and my precious ME time, I would choose the latter.

Ever since I became a mom and a wife and a full-time worker – these 3 combination to be exact, I started having anxiety and burn-out moments. Probably it is the carefree soul in me that feels imprisoned and overwhelmed. But unlike my first episode that I mentioned in my previous blog, I am now more aware of it.

Due to this insight/skill unlocked, I know that when the house is too messy and my brain is only telling me either to just be angry, shout or escape, I know already that I need to call it a day, and follow the Italian saying “dolce far niente” (the joy of doing nothing or being idle). We call this in my Visayan dialect “palanay mode”. It translates to melting because you are literally just lying in bed doing nothing, as if your body is melting, sticking to the surface it rests on.

You know where my wishful thinking brings me nowadays, amidst my busy work from home + child-at-home parenting + house manager life? One of my wish is that if I can just go out on my own, anytime whenever I want to the city centre, for example, walking around aimlessly, browsing through shops and resting from time to time in a nice, charming cafe sipping my favourite iced coffee or warm tasty Schokolade, depending on the season, watching people and/or reading an entertaining book or magazine.

I do not have regrets. I love being a mom. I love having a partner who I can share life in all aspects. And for sure, everything is manageable, especially now that a lot is on my plate with these many roles I am performing. I am not sure if it is just me, but do you have this feeling that you wanted to refuse to fully embrace all these roles that at times, you just don’t want to. But I guess that is life. That is just how life operates – like there is no other option but to be tough and be pushy on any of its hurdles.

So this is why reflections are very important, to process the day, to process one’s feelings no matter what they are. Because only then will you be able to see insight amidst the chaos. I am thankful that I can have this exercise. And to you who will be reading this, I wish that you will also take time to take a pause and reflect about whatever you are struggling with nowadays and that such contemplation will also bring you peace.

Until then, adios meine liebe!

Mama Confessions Entry#2: Mom Struggles after 2 years of giving birth

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Note: Back to the past – sometime in 2022, I wrote this entry below. Since it was saved as a draft for awhile and also after being in hiatus for some time, I decided to finally publish this now. Let me know after reading if you can relate or have a similar experience and also how you cope with this kind of struggles.

I remember almost a year after giving birth, also almost a year of my parental leave, I was so excited to go back to work. I told myself that I am not gonna just be a mom, I want to be a working mom, a full-time working mom to be exact. I also told people always, especially during job interviews, that I am not only a mom, I am also a career woman, I am a wife, I am an artist, I am many things because I believe I can. I was so excited that I even search a lot of videos in You Tube on home organization, meal preparation, etc.

Almost a year later, fast forward, the inspired, excited mom is overwhelmed. It felt like I am working 3 shifts in a day. At times, I would wake up at 5am to work, then tend to my kid at 7am, fed her breakfast and make her ready to go to daycare. Me and my husband would alternately schedule bringing her to the the daycare around 8am.

In other words, your mama is not only overwhelmed, but also burned out. My biggest trigger was the announcement at work that there was a restructure and that our team is closing. I was managing my depression brought about by the above-mentioned situation. And it has been a vicious cycle of I am ok, I can still manage, to not and to ok again, repeat.

A lot has changed to date, fast forward 2023. I finally landed a new job in a new company. I am still in the same field but completely doing something different. I felt that career wise, I was able to find my niche. This also makes me happier. I feel there is a good future to look forward to, if only I put an effort and show my best. Plus I get to travel from time to time for work. The wanderlust in me is ecstatic.

I still get overwhelmed nowadays – as full time working mom, wife and as a creative. We also do not have a childcare yet since we move in to our new apartment 5-7km away from my daughter’s old nursery. The situation actually, I would say, is more tiring now because we are not only working full-time, but we are all having a home office plus a kindergarten. Not to mentioned, the housework. But I am more aware now. I am more conscious now.

Thanks to my depression – burned out situation in the past, I get to developed a sense of early warning inner device for myself. I know now consciously that if I go more towards a certain direction in my daily activities, it can reach to dangerous levels of exhaustion, anxiety, etc. That is why, if there are certain things not anymore doable because I am not full in all aspect of my being, I will leave it as, or I will park it for now. Like how I park for now my book project, and also how I was not active for awhile for this blog, etc. And it is ok! I prioritize first myself. The more I am enriched myself, the more I can give. I call this my inwards-outwards personal philosophy.

Everything is still a conscious process, of looking inward – to your most inner core, listening to that voice, taking the time to be in silence and be one with the self. Because only then can you be ready to face the outside world.

That is all for now, hope I am able to inspire you in my own little ways. Take care.